My chickens have come home to roost--literally! With a tough economy and a little lack of planning, one by one 3 of my 4 adult kids has migrated home, adding a new wife and 2 babies to the mix as well.
I see it as a great blessing! I have friends who have shared with me that one or more of their children have moved home, and while they love their kids, they seem to have a lot of underlying worry or stress with the situation, and it seems to be such a hardship for them. I don't know why my situation is so different, but I suspect it has to do with family structure and perspective. Let me explain.
I run a Matriarchy, a long and archaic term which basically means I'm the unquestioned head of the household, the boss, the big cheeze, the rule setter, and ultimately, the person responsible for making the household run smoothly, both financially and socially. That's established before anyone moves back home, that there are still rules, and they will be respected or people will be finding alternative living situations. Being a single mom for over 15 years, I'm used to running the show. But we've had some transitions as well. My kids (including my daughter-in-law) are free to come to me with ideas on how to improve the way things are run or changes they'd like to see, we have a civilized and respectful discussion, I ask a lot of questions, and if it sounds like something that's workable, we start approaching the other "occupiers" to get their thoughts and opinions. If we can get everyone on board and figure out what everyone's role is in making it happen, it works well.
What does that look like? Well, currently we have 6 people stuffed into a 3 bedroom apartment, W. & J. (my two adult bachelors) in one bedroom, R., H., and O. (my married son, his beautiful wife, and their 4 month old son) in another bedroom, and I have my own bedroom. However, we have some changes coming about shortly. My daughter S., who is currently in rehab, is projected to be coming home sometime after January, which is also when W. is headed to boot camp (go MARINES!). That means either we need to get a home with another bedroom OR someone's getting evicted, and that's the way I presented the issue to the kids. R., who seems to have endless energy sometimes, has been helping motivate people to create better employment situations for themselves, is doing the same for himself, and has located a 4 bedroom house that would suit us well (3 bedrooms on the main floor and a master suite/family room that would work well for his family in the basement), and we will be going to look at it next week. The amazing thing is that everyone is on board with this and is pulling in the same direction, and barring any great obstacles, we should be calling a new residence home very soon.
Another way this functions well is we have 2 vehicles in the family, 1 working and 1 not so much. (The property we're looking at has a 2 car garage--perfect for working on vehicles, a 2-car driveway, and on-street parking for an additional 6 vehicles). We also have 2 bicycles in good working order, so the way this works currently is that W., who owns the running truck, uses his vehicle to work and get to his other events, and several times a week ferries someone else to appointments they have to attend. In the meantime, at least 1 of the bikes is in constant use, the other one is in occasional use, and everyone walks when needed. It's also a great motivator, with the weather turning colder, for everyone to work on getting their own vehicles, and once we're moved, R. and W. plan to put a torque converter in the other vehicle so it can go into service for the family. As more vehicles are added to the family portfolio, strength and options will also be added.
As a family, we're also making a lot of "one-pot" dinners that will feed everyone. We take turns, of course, and have enjoyed spaghetti and linguini as well as homemade potato and bean soups. I think the biggest downside is I may have to invest in a much bigger soup pot! These are meals that can be cooked in great quantities for very little cost, are nutritious and hearty. (The goal is that everyone enjoys the meal and no one walks away hungry).
I think one of the biggest reasons this is all working is we truly enjoy each other's company, and while differences of opinion are present, they are managed in a civilized and loving manner. We're all working together to maintain and improve both our individual and collective situation, and we're having a lot of fun, laughing and carrying on along the way. There's nothing like a contest of who can remember the most famous quotes or who can think up the most creative idea for building a skyscraper to entertain everyone (sans computer, tv, and cell phones). It has the joy of a perpetual family get together. Life is good, family is great, and all things are possible, even in challenging times and circumstances. :)
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